Confession Time

Can I let you in on a little secret?  I know this is going to be a shock to the one or two of you out there that actually reads my blog posts.  Ready?  Here goes- I don't know it all and can get a bit apprehensive about what is going to happen at times.  There, I said it.  The stereotypical missionary may know it all (at least regarding the Bible) and have no apprehension (aka worry) about what is going to happen, when, and how, etc, but fortunately, I don't think those stereotypical missionaries exist.  Yep, God takes regular people to be His missionaries.  OK, that is not how I would do it, but I just confessed that I don't know it all.  I just like to think I know it all.

This morning I was reading my Bible and everything I read God was teaching me and reinforcing the lessons I needed TODAY!  I've started going through the One Year Bible and have finally made it to January 8th.  This Bible is set up where you read a passage from the OT, a passage from the NT, and a portion of Psalms and Proverbs every day.  The jury is still out as to whether I like that format or not.  In the past I've gone straight through starting in Genesis.  I've even used a chronological Bible, but not the different passages.  This morning I read about how God's faithfulness to Abraham saved Lot and his family from the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.  Then I continued to read how Lot's daughters got him drunk, so they could get pregnant by him.  The two babies that were conceived and born were the ancestors of two of the enemies of Israel.  And people think the Bible is boring!  Anyway, it got me to thinking about my kids.  What type of influence is our culture having on them?  Is there more I should be doing to protect them and surround them with Godly influences?  So this starts to add to the stress and apprehension that I've already been dealing with these last few weeks.  Then I start reading the section from the New Testament. It was the famous passage from Matthew 6 about not worrying.  I really loved how the NLT puts the passage:

"So don't worry about these things, saying, `What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?'These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."  Matthew 6:31-33

So, where is my focus, what is dominating my thoughts? That was my question this morning.  Too often my thoughts are dominated by earthly concerns- How will my kids transition to living overseas? Am I sheltering them too much? too little? Is homeschooling the right thing for them?  What do I do when someone in our extended family is sick, and I can't do anything to help? Are we going to raise all of our support? Where are we going to get the money to get us and our supplies to PNG? Is there more I should be doing? Am I really qualified to be a missionary? You get the point.  Did you notice lots of "I" in those concerns?  When I begin to focus on me, my focus is not on God and the worry begins to dominate.  Today, I give these concerns to God and seek Him above all else.  He is going to provide EVERYTHING we need- food, clothing, shelter, wisdom, peace, love, strength, etc.  I remind myself "...the gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult and only a few ever find it."  (Matthew 7:14).  Oh, but the reward is LIFE and not just any life but a "real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of"!  (John 10:10, The Message)